The start of it all

Family and Friends,

So many of you have expressed concern about Payton and at times it has gotten overwhelming. I had a great friend tell me that she finds relief by writing down her thoughts, feelings, and updates for all to see who wants to know what is going on. Essentially it will be like free therapy for me!  We haven't had answers until recently. BUT I want to give a little bit of background for others who might come across this to relate or compare our stories.

Payton was born July 16,2011 in the most loving anxiously awaiting delivery room the hospital had ever seen. Payton was a special child for her Dad and I because she is our rainbow baby, our first girl and came at a time of turmoil for my family. That same year my little sister went to be an angel, my husband was in Afghanistan and had suffered the lost of three friends. We needed her light. The whole family was in the delivery room waiting for her to make her big debut! I was scared to death. It wasn't my first time delivering a baby without my husband, but I had two boys and I knew nothing about raising a little girl. As it was time to push my Dad, my Mother in Law and my Sister were all by my side. One was holding a leg, another was holding my other leg and the most important job, my phone because we were skyping with Devin thousands of miles away. Two easy pushes and the room was quiet. She was there, I was holding this little girl who was just with my baby sister. That was the most powerful moment for me and for my siblings and parents. All I could hear in my head was my little sisters voice saying, Ashley are you pregnant? Are you and Devin getting married? LOL She asked me that on a daily basis. She knew I was pregnant with Payton before I did. I wish deeply that she could of held my sweet baby girl but I knew she just left her presence. She prepared her for earth, for her brothers and for the trials she would face.

Fast forward to Christmas 2012. Payton was hitting all of her milestones except talking. She was running, laughing, blowing kisses, giving hugs, waving bye-bye.... Then in January 2013, she just stopped. It was like a switch went off in her head and stopped looking when I was talking to her, stopped blowing kisses and the hardest for me was when she stopped waving bye-bye. That was our thing. Everywhere we would go she would wave bye-bye to anything that moved. I knew at that moment that our daughter has A.S.D.(Autism Spectrum Disorder)  I didn't need a doctor to tell me. I knew. I took her to the pediatrician and she brushed me off and said oh she is stubborn, she will be talking soon, give it time. Time is not something that I have on my side. I pushed for a speech referral and after giving my own speech of this is not my first rodeo lady, she finally caved and said, "Fine just in case." It took about two weeks to get her in and during  that evaluation, at the end, Ms. Kari said to me that Payton had the communication skills of a 9 month old baby on paper. Those words were so painful. Of course things could be so much worse and I am grateful that she is essentially "healthy" but those are no words a parent ever wants to hear.  Fast forward to today and after 7 months of speech we have seen 0 improvement.

Today is a big day because she starts her A.B.A therapy (applied behavior analysis)which is supposed to be the best therapy for ASD. Maria is a nice lady, but stern. She straight up said that our daughter needs a lot of work and we need to be ready for her to cry and be upset because essentially they are going to be working her to do simple things that she should already be doing, such as responding to her name, following any sort of directions and helping her to communicate her wants and needs and focus on certain tasks. Maria knows she had ASD, but we have not received the specific diagnosis but will on Monday when we see the Pediatric Developmental Doctor.

I love my daughter more than any words could express, she is our light and looking in her eyes I know she is in there, Devin and I will dedicate our life to get that light switch back on. We will do  whatever it takes to help her develop and essentially, hoping, that one day she will show no signs of ASD. This is a blog for updates, vents, and of course questions. I am learning new things everyday. It is so new to me and I am trying to research all the methods of therapy because not all children with ASD are the same. Thanks for reading and helping me along with this journey! I will update after therapy this afternoon!